Maybe I am getting it right(ish) after all?

Last week I wrote about having an 'off' day...well, that day turned into a week! Twin 2 is really struggling with his mental health at the moment - refusing to leave the house, frequent meltdowns, and increasing aggression directed towards his brother. Twin 1, in response, is experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety. We are all exhausted and sleeping a lot.

So this week I called it - we had 'Mental Health week'. Now, unlike any similarly named off-curriculum weeks in school, this did NOT involve lessons about self care, being kind to each other, or following online child yoga programmes. It involved very very little! We played. We got out old toys the boys had forgotten about. We turned our living room into a large sensory circuit. We ate ice cream, I ordered a takeaway, and we gave ourselves a break.

For me the most important lesson I can teach my children is how to look after their mental health. And recognise when enough is enough.

I reminded myself of the PACE (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy) approach this week (http://www.danielhughes.org). This is an approach designed for use with children who have experienced trauma or abuse, but as with many good psychological approaches, it works for many children. I am trying to go back to this approach, and work on our connection and relationship first.

This afternoon, as the boys relaxed on their laptops, I completed an online webinar on ASD and OCD. I was so lovely to hear that a) we are not alone, and b) we are doing what every good parent does...and we are doing OK. In particular I picked up on the need to address "background anxiety" before you start to tackle anything else, and was gratified that many of ten suggestions are similar to what we are already doing. For example, turning your living room into a physical play zone, to encourage movement (which helps regulate anxiety) for children who are reluctant to go out (we've had a trampoline and mattress in the middle of our lounge for two months now🤣;having proper break days with no demand or pressure; and making time for yourself as the parent and modelling self care.

So I end this week feeling less guilt, more pride, and happy that I called it correctly this week. Like my mum said, "if they were in private school, they would have broken up for the summer holidays by now anyway!"

This weeks small wins:

• Completed some work for myself

• Tidied the living room

• We had fun together and lots of laughs* (*something of a rarity in recent years for both my boys)